Couple various thoughts that are running through my mind...
LC's 1st Birthday Party is this weekend and, honestly, I'm about to say a couple things I used to never think I'd say. The first being, "oh my gosh, my baby is growing up so fast!" I used to kinda feel a little incredulous when Moms would say that about their kids. I'd think, "Well, yea...a year has gone by...they're a year old...and? I mean, herrrlo...time does march on." So yea...what I failed to realize is multi-fold.
For one, I didn't realize a year in baby terms is, like, 5 seconds. I don't know if its the sleep deprivation or how much your life has changed or how rapidly a baby transforms or what but it does go by too fast. I'm realizing that I'll never get these flying moments back and that makes me a little weepy. And might I add that's another weird phenomenon that comes with motherhood, I'm finding. Motherhood makes me weepy. I love everything from tiny, pink tennis shoes to just rosy little lips and a messy face...and I had NO idea you could just look at your kid and feel like your heart my burst into flames. But it does.
And there is a second thing I used to think when Moms would start talking about party planning for their kids, especially the early parties where the babies didn't even know what the whole she-bang meant. I used to think, Ok, someone needs to get a life. Again, what I failed to realize is that having a baby who you've spent the last year of your life pouring yourself out for does something to you. For me, its tapped into some sort of creative, silly, playful part of myself that I'd long forgotten. I've had to relearn nursery rhymes and within the last year I've learned to be a little more of a kid again. I make silly faces, I do silly dances, I speak in a language I didn't know I would ever speak, I sing out loud to make LC dance, etc... So when it comes to a milestone in her life like a 1st Birthday Party...you better believe I'm going to turn into party planning lunatic. I'm finding that its harder to reign it in than I thought...not because I want to impress anyone although I can see where that could get tempting...but because of the simple fact that because I think SHE is so amazing, wonderful, perfect, etc...I want something that is about HER to be the same way.
Yes, I know she won't remember. And yes, I know that the whole 2 hours that the party lasts is not worth getting all cray cray over...and there are bigger "worries" in life. But do I long for this to be truly special because she is special? Well, heck yea, I do. For the last two weeks, "party planning" has become my love language...silly, yes. But, yet again, another one of the milestone moments I can't get back. So the party isn't just about her...let's be honest...it's about our family. This is a celebration of a life I was scared I'd never have to celebrate. So overboard? Maybe. But I've enjoyed every overboard moment.
For her birthday this year, we went with an Owl Theme. I thought I was being creative but, as it turns out, I've seen that its not that creative after all. Owls are in. ;-) Ah well, at least I haven't had that hard of a time finding "owl" related ideas. Here is what her invite looked like...
So back to discussing the judge-y thoughts I used to have and eating those words...
I guess, deep down, I've realized that you only get to be a kid and live the fairy tale for so long. Then, you grow up and life happens in all its greatness and all its struggles...and when its time for a birthday or some special event, you realize that it's your chance to create the fairy tale for someone else. And, in some strange way, I feel like its an opportunity. I've loved getting to see the world through these new, little beautiful eyes...learning to communicate and being able to put words to feelings or desires or needs...to taste something good or bad for the first time...to have your first wagon ride...or take your first step.
I. love. watching LC learn. It reminds me how magical it all felt when you were growing up. When you grow up, magic can still happen but you have to work for it. Which leads to me a different post I've been writing in my head for weeks...maybe months...regarding raising little girls and fairy tales...but, I guess, that post remains to be written another day.
I have a party to plan... :-)