Resolved...

This time last year, I had absolutely zero idea what 2012 would hold.  I couldn't have even guessed if I'd tried.  I ended 2011 feeling very chump-ish and disappointed...and very tired of repeating the theme of "maybe this year" with regard to our family expanding.  Thankfully, I'd come to the point at the beginning of 2012 where I was finally willing to move forward with life and stop living with a perpetual "what if" mentality.  

 

In my "New Years Resolution", I mentioned that I was hopeful that - if I were intentional about it and God saw fit to answer my prayers - I would be able to end 2012 with a "just one".   I had the privilege of being a small part of leading someone to Christ who I'd met at the end of 2011 under less than ideal circumstances.   I experienced an incredible blessing in spending a better part of 2012 watching God transform this person's actions and heart, truly making them a New Creation. 

 

In 2012, our family did expand...in the most unlikely way I could have imagined.  We received a call that changed our lives forever and blessed DW and I beyond our wildest imaginations. 

But 2012 wasn't without it's tough moments: our marriage had some adjustments to make with a new addition, DW walked through a personal struggle that hurt my heart to watch (but also made us both more grateful for God's provision and protection), and I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that leveled me for many months, especially emotionally and physically.   

For every great thing in our life this year that pointed our eyes to Christ, we seemed to experienced something equal and opposite, likely intended to take our eyes off of our trust in God's perfect plan for us and our family.  It's crazy, in retrospect, to count how many times I was equally awed and amazed by God in 2012 - and how confused and frustrated I was.  You'd think, with the incredible blessing we experienced in becoming LC's parents, I could have just shaken the rest off.  Probably should have but I will open admit I'm one who wrestles in my spirit a lot between this part of me that's in love with my Heavenly Father and the other part of me that is simply, "Self".

 

So looking forward into 2013...what am I "resolving" for this year?  

 

Well, for starters, I might need to admit that "giving up coffee" is on my list but as I sit here drinking a cup as I write this, I'm pretty sure I can flush that plan right down the toilet.  If I'm totally honest, I'm not truly committed to it deep down inside.  Which is my problem with resolutions...typically, I have these plans or ideas I'd like to see happen but in the back of my mind, I can already feel the "out clause" forming.  The other thing I want, on a superficial level, is a six pack this year...but yeah, probably aint happening either.  I'm not feeling the deep down desire I need to get it. 

 

So what is my deep down desire for 2013?  The thing I won't plan an exit strategy for? 

Well, for sure one to put on the list for this year - and every year forward - would be becoming a more Mission-minded Mom. 

I'm not sure how to explain what "mission-minded mom" is other than I want to be so intentional about teaching LC more than just new words and giving her new experiences.  I want to give her "context", too.  I want to encourage her not just with facts about life but also by inspiring her to use the gifts that God has given her and to encourage attributes in her...strength, grace, gentleness, self control, and patience.  And, in turn, I pray that God will give me the ability to deepen those qualities in myself and, first and foremost, live by example.  It's my job to prepare her for survival in this world...and it's a process that started on the day she was born and will continue until I'm gone...or until she chooses to stop listening.

There is nothing, for me, more humbling than seeing LC mimick my mannerisms and facial expressions or in recognizing I am the foundation for what womanhood will look like in her life.  It's a weighty thing, this role of motherhood. 

God granted me an opportunity to be a "molder" of a tiny little person and important aspects of her future.   And I personally believe I'm incapable of doing it well without His wisdom and help.  I just somehow, more and more, feel this obligation to the future LC and her future friends and her future spouse...and even her future children.  What I'm doing - or not doing - with LC is setting the foundations for generations.  That's nuts when you think about it.  If I speak and act ugly toward DW, I'm basically authenticating the fact that she can speak and act ugly to her husband.  If I'm critical and unloving, I'm showing her how to be critical and unloving in her marriage.  If I'm unable to be a good friend or if I'm a gossip...I'm demonstrating those things to her and putting my stamp of approval on them.  Not ok.    

LC, at this time in my life, is my mission field.  She is where I spend my time and she is one of my life's greatest investments.  She is the soil where seeds are planted and the soil is cultivated...and later, this time spent with her, will give forth Life.  I love that...and it's also intense.

Then, there are a couple more basic things I want to be resolved about in 2013...

Maritally: I'd like to be intentional about my relationship with DW. More time spent toward dating my husband and more assuming the best of him and his intentions. Also, less time with my face buried in my iphone or computer at night when he's home.

Physically: I want to stop worrying so much about looks-related things I can't control...like getting wrinkles or losing my hair because of the Lupus. It's a reality. Get over it. So what if I'm balding like the dad in Everybody Loves Raymond. ;-)

Spiritually: I want to pursue an opportunity that God has laid on my heart for mentoring a college-aged single woman (or two) in my local community and to be mentored by someone. I'm hoping that, whether I ever know it or not, God uses me to affect another Just One for His Kingdom this year.

Personally: I want to start blogging more regularly again...and not worry that it's mundane or boring. My life has become a bit that way just by the nature of things.  It's hard to make life at home with a 1 year old sound ultra-thrilling...so it just is what it is.  It's ok if I'm boring...and now that LC is more aware, active, and mobile, may this year hold some fun, new adventures for us as well as some awesome memories.

To great and blessed things in 2013...and less drama.  ;-)