As I was going through the mail this morning, my eyes landed on an envelope addressed to yours truly that made my heart do a little flutter in my chest. It was, in fact, something I've been waiting to arrive since October...a Certificate of Registration for a original written work from the US Copyright office. My original written work - to get technical.
See, there's that pitter-patter feeling again.
Look, I know, I know...anyone can get one of these if they write original text and pay a fee to have it verified...but its what it symbolizes for me that matters. Progress. One tiny step toward realizing a dream I've had since I was in the second or third grade and started devouring Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden books. I fell in love with words a long, long time ago first as a reader and later as a very amateur writer. Besides being a mom...being a published author, well, it's what I want to be "when I grow up".
Before LC came into our life, I can't say that I seriously considered adoption. Now, as an adoptive mom, I can truly acknowledge that God has revolutionized my feelings on it and has awakened a passion inside for it.
Combine those two things that I love...adoption and writing...and well, you get what I'll loosely call a "book". Really, it's just a story I wrote for LC to explain her adoption. I wanted her to know that she was adopted from a very young age so that its never a surprise - but I also don't want her to feel like its anything less than incredibly special. It's my hope that having her own story will help instill that value factor into her. She was wanted. Very, very wanted.
But the more I read it to her...the more I realize it's not just her story. Its a story of a lot of kids and families...and I feel this quickening inside these days where I think, "God, did you give me these words...and are you awakening this passion in me because You're going to do something with this?" I don't know...but, in the same way I've felt the "walk forward" from Him before in my life, I'm feeling it again. So that's what I'm doing...walking forward. Praying. Trying not to let this one dream in particular slip through the cracks because I'm too scared or lazy to try.
I love LC with a ferocity more than I could ever explain. I'm a Mom because of her...and, more importantly, because of God's infinite goodness and because He heard the groanings of my heart. Over and over and over He heard them.
And I love it. I love being a Mom. But there is a longing in my heart that's in addition to being a wife and a mom. I want to say that those two titles are the ultimate fulfillment here on earth and, don't get me wrong, those two roles are very fulfilling.
But are they the only things God created me to be? While it might not be popular to some to say out loud, I don't think so. Those are my primary roles in this life...but I don't think they are the only ones. Not for me.
Let's face it, rarely do your dreams come to fruition by accident. And sometimes, there are certain ones that aren't meant to come to fruition at all. But what I can't do is not try. If all the doors slam and the answer is a clear and resounding "no"...I can live with that. But I can't know if I don't ever try.
So while this is just a tiny, no-big-deal step...it's a step. And it's a step forward. And I think that counts for something. :-)